Our appetites seem determined to never eat another boring tuna sandwich again... unless it's slathered in Sriracha and Nutella. So, why stop at mashing together some of the snack world's most classic offerings? Yes, Pepsi-flavored Cheetos now exist.
"These Pepsi-flavored Cheetos are the latest food hybrid to spit in the eye of Mother Nature. They are from Japan," Steve from The Impulsive Buy writes. According to Steve, the Frito Lay Cheetos x Pepsi Shuwa Shuwa Cola Corn Snack
bears a noticeable "flat cola" aroma mixed with the familiar smell of
cinnamon donuts. The Cheetos are coated with a cola powder with an
strong citrus taste that unfortunately overpowers the sweet cola flavor.
To honor City Rivalry Week -- that very special one week out of the year
when we get to celebrate why our particular city is so much better than
any other one -- we've decided to turn our attention to our neighbors
to the Southwest, NYC, so we can better inform and educate them on just a
few of the myriad reasons why we're so damn superior. To wit:
History During the Revolutionary War, your city housed 30,000 British
sailors and soldiers -- all anchored around, ew, Staten Island -- and
you nearly got George Washington captured. Meanwhile, in case you didn't
know, WE CREATED THIS WHOLE AMERICAN REVOLUTION THING.
Accents You know what a New York accent is? It's like a Boston accent, if
you took out your vocal chords, rolled them around in sharp glass and
gravel, and then sent them to live platonically with 1993 Marisa Tomei.
Clam Chowder Our clam chowder is delicious, world-famous, and has been around
since the 1700s. Manhattan-style clam chowder was invented in the 1930s
while people were in a Great Depression, and is essentially tomato soup
with clams in it. Even Rhode Island clam chowder kicks your chowder's
ass, and it's coming from Rhode Island.
Summer Hangs NY has the Jersey Shore, and the Hamptons, where rich cheesy people
literally build giant mansions and nightclubs out by the ocean just to
replicate their city experience. We've got Cape Cod, which is shaped
like a salty, storm-weathered strongman flexing his nautically tattooed
bicep, as well as the rich man's Cape Cod (Nantucket) and some other
small island where the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES VACATIONS.
Politicians Yours take down high-priced hookers, call themselves weird nicknames, and sext people online, even after saying that they're sorry that they sexted people online.
Ours just mumble adorably unintelligible things and use sweet,
food-related sports metaphors, such as: “Much like a cookie, I predict
the Yankee dynasty will crumble, and the results will be delicious for
Red Sox fans.
Sports Okay, fine. NY has won 47 major professional sports championships.
BUT, that makes sense. You're the biggest city in the US, you've got
nearly double the amount of teams playing for your city (seven: Yankees,
Mets, Knicks, Nets, Jets, Giants, and Rangers) to our four (Sox, Pats,
Celtics, Bruins), and, meanwhile, we've won the second most (34), and
we're the 21st biggest city in the US. We're still dominating, and we're
even smaller than the narco-trafficking paradise of El Paso! And, while
we're piling on a bit, neither of your football teams play their home
games in your state, and you've never even known what it's like to drink
from the cup of glory that is winning a Major League Lacrosse
championship.
Nicknames The Big Apple, huh? Apparently because of your "prominence in horse
racing" in the 1920s. So, you're basically like a giant thing that a
horse wants to eat. Or, if that isn't sexy enough, maybe you'd prefer
the City That Never Sleeps, a nickname that essentially serves as an
advertisement for symptoms of anti-anxiety drug withdrawal. Meanwhile,
we'll take The Hub (of the universe), The Cradle of Liberty, or The
Athens of America. Though, we're willing to hear offers for "The Walking
City".
Sister Cities Ours, Cambridge, is an international hub of technological
innovation, houses two of the best colleges in the country, has six
sweet squares (well, five, plus Lechmere) and at least one Cosi. Yours,
Brooklyn, has a bunch of Skidmore and Vassar grads in ironic dad jeans
and trilby hats hand-pickling Swiss chard and starting alt-third wave
ska bands with electroclash sensibilities. And: NO F-ING COSI'S!
Matt mother%^&$ing Damon.
Bars Yes, we know your bars close at 4a, whereas ours shut down around
1:45a. Well, here's a little known fact: nothing good has EVER happened
between the hours of 2-4a in a bar. I think, when the Puritans created
those blue laws, they were actually just trying to save us from getting
in bar fights and sexing extremely mediocre-looking people.
Marathons Because some things don't require any explanation
